the day i try to encourage my self

as long as many people do,

they alive is not cause it's written. 'we', are live on the face of the earth not because our luck which make us can take a deep breath and feeling the winds blows up.

so how could?

i believe that's all about our effort to achieve it.

but day by day past and one thing that i realize.

am i deserve to achieve all this kindness from God? is it the best way when i feel that i am is the choosen from a billion thousand of sperm that try to live? am i? so why?

but it is not, cause my biggest fear is the question about, "how much i've done to be useful person? that give a pleasent thing and spread happiness?"

i'm absolutely agree and even, sometimes jealous with our friends who haven't gotten all what i have here. they're more pathethic but still can smile even hidden their tears. but how could i am, couldn't get my really happiness and my abstrack determination? am i take my life for granted? i guess so.

when i become laziness, i try to built my self for many times as i do in the past. but it's different, i know.
my biggest concern is since all the things i have, there's nothing i have to keep it. i do worry if sometimes my frighten can fight all my effort and enthusiasm.

well, for my life. i have to rebuilt again. i will.