Atonement

Atonement

Especially to whom i ignored.

First of all, I do apologize. Despite this rhetoric posting wont represent my deepest apologize.

Let me make some kinda intro. As it begins my elaboration from my friends statement. Once, she told me, that ive a numbers of talent and show me why. But none of them i focus to be, she told me so. At that moment i nodded and agree. But at the same time i didnt evaluate it.

Indeed, several times I often inspired by a great figures with an awesome achievement. Herwandhini, Iman Usman, Mariana Ulfa. They are fabulous person, arent they? Having such a tons of achievement, makes some people wonder how could they manage their own time while other focus on a single thing they’re tends to be? I saw and highly appreciate on them, so then i think that i can be like them! Surely it would show my own capacity and learn about time management.

Briefly, i intend to follow their footsteps. Rather be the one i should be, but i inclined to wonder be the one i intend to be, which it means i intend to be like them. Ridiculous thought. Which recently i notice thats the reason why i didnt like the event such as socialization of mapres or video self motivation, how to manage ur time. It was intended to motivate people. But at this point, I do not need to be motivated, but rather, resist the motivation for the sake of my own goodness.

I have join many organizations, actively participated in many competitions. I passionly intend to grab whole thing, endless nothing except a failure. Lingkar Studi Sains, Gadjah Mada Mengajar, Forum Lingkar Pena, Gama Cendekia. At the first Im so idealistic person, because my own intuition to give a contribution on every kinda aspect. I love the realm of authorship, especially social contributions, which continue my story in high school when i actively build social civil organization.

It's just a story about people who cannot manage their time and having such a consistent thinking. And at the end, I know that im the lowest. At least, one thing left,is  LSiS. At least I'm still considered to be the member of one organization.

Which i, occasionally making some kinda sin. By making my own goodness as my priority and leave their goodness to be nothing as an accessories.

At the exact date of 24th august 2014, I ignored the important agenda of LSiS (syawalan), by did not participate and nor making an excuses. I have a high priority in my own need, which surely i know its much more important, bu still, i didnt take a permission.

For the sins ive made, i deeply apologize. By any change –and at any rate, still i know its useless rather say it personally.

Whats exactly happen yesterday is by my own intuition. Several days before, i got an announcement of the finalist of some kinda competition. Social business competition helds by nsbc. We got a chance to be a finalist in such a great change. But right after the announcement, me and 2 of my friends which im sure they’re such a bussy person with tons of appointment compare to me, weve met and discuss this one. Which im not sure how could i spend much more time compare to my prediction before. Discussed our new concept, having a report and took a documentation in Bantul since about 8 o’clock right after adzan maghrib, building a concept to make a teaser which committee of that competition give us deadline up until 27th of august for the finalist as the requirement. In fact for the next 3 days we’ll have such a crowded business. My friends with her committe, others contribute in her place (KKN), and myself with my academic responsibility.

Im afraid if then by the time goes by, my intention changes day by day not to give such a contribution value, but in a useless action to win. Its such a useless worry since other able to handle it in such a good manner to express, or thing they act. Forgive me if i say a rude thing.

So, let me evaluate this one. This time I want to stop the old ideals embedded since i was newbie. I've been ignoring LSIs, disrupt my own academic activities, and betrayed my own willingness to be a writer.

How could i ask to God to be the better one whom always consistent and to not ignoring other by the sake of my own goodness only? Amin.

With a highly respect to LSiS itself. I do apologize for my lack of participation in every kinda –such a family event. At the exact date, (one of them) 24th august. The Social business camp –which i follow, is sort of building such a social business. Our intention at the very first time is to build a community thats able to employ marginalized communities, cover it with a unique concept which we summarize in our proposal. Unexpectedly, our proposal passes and become one of the finalist. Right after that, we were given a bunch of tasks and give us such an unexpected time to finish it.

For several times, i said. Im afraid if then, by the time goes on, then my intention change and i’ld become such a suck person giving no hope to other people which at out first intuition is will be our object. Forgive us, to remind ourselves, straighten out intentions.

A single day ve passed and I do felt such a suck person. For leave the moment, I do apologize. For aint having such a good responsibility, I do apologize. For the reason which I cannot express my sincere or melancholic node, i do apologize since it just looks my sincerity didn’t goes well. To be such a suck secretary, I do forgive.

And for my –unreasonable afraid to said personally my own sincere, I do apologize.

I do apologize for whole my sins. Forgive me by aint taking permission or give an excuses. Forgive me if i said a rude thing.

Regards,